Tag Archives: healing emotional abuse

self-esteem

Your Low Self Confidence is a Signal of Emotional Damage

emotional damage

Are you presenting a “nice person” image of yourself
only to avoid all confrontations and
yet somehow still feeling unhappy or left out?

Is emotional damage now hidden in your present life? As a child you always wanted to be accepted, and you learned some tricks that gave results for a while. Creating a strong image of a Nice Person helped you to feel more accepted by your parents, siblings, and friends. This nice person always molded to fit the group, accepting the ruling of others without asking for the chance to include your own needs into their agenda. Doing that, your own needs became ignored by others and second priority to yourself, sometimes having to be suppressed completely.

This may be what others expected from you, providing a sense of ease, but you paid a very high price in emotional damage.  After many years of doing the “nice person act” you find your energy is sapped, that you feel empty, devoid of all motivation and sense of purpose.

It is at this moment that you realize the need to choose between pleasing others and losing yourself, or fulfilling your own needs and claiming what you really are, what you really want … and repair the emotional damage.
But fulfillment of your needs is only possible if you learn how to assert yourself effectively and grow your own identity: Self-assertion that is too strong, or aggressive, will provoke powerful reactions that can be stressing or even damaging to your relationships, and being too passive or having a weak self-esteem will leave you very vulnerable to whatever others need or want, sending you back to the starting point.

HAVING BETTER SELF-ESTEEM:

If you gradually build self-esteem, you will :

  • Feel adequate, no matter the circumstances
  • Accept and celebrate your own merits and accomplishments
  • Always feel security and a sense of direction.
  • Stop emotional abuse and mistreatment from the start
  • Attract the happiness you dream of
  • Be able to confidently negotiate any difficult issue.
  • Communicate your views with ease, even in stressful situations
  • Establish your needs and boundaries

To your happiness!

 

emotional abuse

How can I get abuse help?

1 Comment

I’ve been victim of emotional abuse. I understood it, read about it and now I’m in my way to freeing myself from the damage received. But, the abuser is my mother and, besides that, I have a sister and I don’t want her to be the next victim. How can I help my mother, so that she can heal from what is moving her to emotionally abuse others? Emotional abuse help is not easy to get by…

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse

When He Uses Your Faults Against You

You have probably already heard from an associate, friend, or resource that emotional abuse is about control. However, there are more factors at play than mere control, and realizing this is essential to healing emotional abuse and preserving your sense of self-worth.

When your partner attacks you, you may find that he will stoop to batter you with things you have shared with him in the past – doubts about yourself, vulnerabilities, and shortcomings. Though these intimate things may be true of you or your personality, perceived or real faults are a trait of every human being, and have no valid presence in fights. Be mindful that in emotional abuse, they are simply used as poisoned darts; items he throws mindlessly because they are in reach.

Why, then, does he throw these smoke bombs out to cloud the issues?

Consider the way you feel after a fight. Did he destroy your happiness for something you were feeling good about before? More often than not, we find that an abuser will target the things that are best about you so that he doesn’t feel threatened or one-upped. It’s almost like an upside-down compliment – the aspects he tries to make you feel bad about might be your best qualities!

Essentially that means that emotional abuse is actually an attempt to hide the abuser’s own vulnerabilities, the things he feels you could overcome him with.

Battering, whether it is emotional abuse, verbal abuse or physical abuse, exists to create or maintain an unequal distribution of power in the relationship.  The important concept to recognize is that when an abuser feels he’s losing his grip (if it seems like you’re taking his power), the violence will escalate. In other words, the gravity of the emotional assault is directly proportional to the attacker’s vulnerability.

Thus, the act of emotional abuse is not merely about control, although that is how it seems to manifest. The real cause, the thing that control expresses, is a deep-set and debilitating sense of vulnerability.

Keep this in mind next time, and pay close attention to what he seems to react to. They may be your most powerful tools for stopping the abuse!

healing from emotional abuse

Healing Emotional Abuse By Taking Back Your Freedom

2282606553_4063fc8a91One of the effects of emotional abuse is hopelessness and depression.  It depletes almost all of your body’s energies, leaving you helpless and hopeless.  As you may have noticed, abuse also clouds the clarity of your thoughts,  keeping you confuse all the time. There is a confusion, and it is between the supossed role of your partner, chosen to be your loving husband, and his actual behavior which is clearly abusive. Your heart tells you that this is the person selected to share your life; while your mind is protesting the constant humiliation and isolation he subjects you to.


At first you may not notice that you are in an abusive relationship if it is “only” emotional abuse. In fact, you may not even accept the fact that you are in one. Emotional abuse is far different from other kinds of abuses such as sex abuse and physical abuse.  The pain, fear and the feeling of unworthiness usually linger for a long time…  This is why healing emotional abuse is an important task for you, as a victim.

Frankly speaking, it takes a lot of courage to leave behind an abusive relationship.  If you already have done it, you are one of the most courageous women in this world today.  One of the worse parts in an abusive relationship is that the battle is also within you.  It is not love or dependency that keeps you in the relationship but it is the fear of being unwanted and unlovable. This fear starts creeping up within your mind with your husband’s constant insults.

The human mind is unique.  It absorbs information quickly especially if the information comes in a repetitive way.  For instance, you constantly listen or watch MTV.  Typically, music channels repeat the best music.  Even though you don’t really like the song, you will still end up memorizing some parts of it.  And eventually, you get used to it and could end up getting to like it.  So if you listen to your husband’s insults every day, day in and day out, you will eventually end up believing him. When this happens, you will be addicted to his demeaning comments and it will get more complicated to get out of the relationship.

As a victim, the best gift you can give to yourself is taking your freedom back and consider healing emotional abuse. In order for you to do this, you must accept the fact that you are already being abused.  And no, your husband is not right.  Every woman is worthy of being loved.  The truth is that he is the one afraid of not being worthy of your love.  He is the one who cannot live without your acceptance and recognition.  He is the one who causes pain and suffering within the family by using abuse as the way to bond you with him.

Healing emotional abuse takes time but it is worth every minute of it.  It involves acceptance and realization.  You must accept that the relationship is already broken and cannot be fixed because of the abuse. Your lesson now is to overcome this situation and learn to stand up against this painful situation.


First, you must realize that you are not the guilty one here.  Honestly, you have done nothing wrong at this point.  Blaming yourself will get you nowhere.  As a woman, learn to love yourself first before others.  Your number one friend is always yourself.  As a mother, learn to love your children as much as you love your husband.  You may think that staying is good for the children but it is not.  Staying means learning a harsh reality for them, where they will learn how a human being can control, humiliate and destroy another.  You do not want your children to grow up in fear. So love yourself by learning how to defend yourself from abusive behavior, and if he doesn’t learn to treat you well, then plan how to live by yourself.  You deserve it.

emotional abuse

What is emotional abuse by an abusive personality?

5 Comments

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1.5 year after I left my ex-husband who commited adultery. I suffered from depression and being in constant fear/incapable of function as a normal person anymore at that time. My boyfriend take care of me, but my emotion has beeing going up & down. I’m extremely suspicious & worried about things. I’ve been contributing to most of the expenses, monetary issue has add on to the tension, although he has been working hard trying his best to get income. Until a few occassions, he couldn’t take my unreasonable suspicious anymore (when girls talk/sms him), he just burst, broke things and wanted to hit me. I’m still feeling very fearful for one that happened juz 2 days ago esp I witness violent in my childhood. Is my behaviour an emotional abuse to him? It has been a few times this happened and once he wanted to hit my mum too, I’m worried something serious will happen one day. What should I do, leave him? Other time, he is very caring & responsible. How should I react?

There are so many issues and questions going on here that it is hard to know were to begin. First, I have to say what your boyfriend is doing is the emotional abuse. He has not actually hit you, but has made a real threat. This can actually increase your thoughts of mistrusting him in other areas.

He may not like the suspicions, but I do not think that there is anyway that this can be seen as emotional abuse. If you are not using threat of harm or trying to demean him then it is not emotional abuse. In the case he has an abusive personality, some things can change.

I’m not you so I can’t tell you exactly what is going on with you, or how you should react. If your thoughts of suspicion are nearly constant and interfer with daily life that may be an indication of anxiety or even OCD. Your emotional highs and lows are enought of an indicator to me that you should be seeking professional help.

You could even consider couples therapy for you and your boyfriend. However, my honest thoughts on anyone who even threatens violence is to get rid of them and fast. You never know when the threat will become an actual act.

Take this advice from someone who was married. After months of small fights over things like money and childcare he pulled a sword on me and threatened to kill me. I never gave him another chance to make real on his threat. He did this when I was three months pregnant and our toddler son was watching. You have to think about more than just your when you make these choices.