Tag Archives: Tension

emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse

How to begin the healing!

After realizing that you are in a relationship that diminishes your self-esteem by making you feel the unworthy and less powerful side, you need to consider a simple plan to backtrack and go back to the whole, self-respecting person you want to be, right?

Perhaps the only place to begin is with yourself. Looking at this primary and inevitable relationship, try to make a plan to forgive your mistakes and learn how to appreciate the good things you do…Every time you catch yourself saying: “Yes, I did that, but it didn’t last (or was too expensive) (or was a lot of work) (or I was working on the wrong direction…) STOP! saying “yes, but” thwarts the process of recognizing the good work you do. Learn to say “I’m able to do excellent work,”  and leave the self-recrimination behind.

One should always work on building and nurturing the intimate relationship with oneself, specially if our minds are full of other people’s negative expressions. Learn to hear yourself saying negative appreciations, without even evaluating if they are right or  not, and teach yourself to stop.

Once you have learned to assert your individual value, and you respect yourself as you are now, then it is possible to begin teaching others how do we want to be treated. Be firm without being aggressive when someone is giving you less respect that you aspire to. Say again and again: “This is not the way I prefer to be treated, it’s better if you call me by my name and don’t use “sweetie” or “pretty thing” when talking about me.
Also, if you need to raise your voice, don’t be surprised if I choose to walk away….in my life, someone shouting at me is not acceptable.”

Healing from abuse is based on the important decision of shutting out any hurtful expression; and expressing our needs to be treated with love and understanding. Perhaps it will take you some time to get to the point of feeling confident in asserting yourself in this aspect. Try at the beginning to put some distance between you and the abuser, and signal that you need time alone to repair and heal. And use this time to remember all your positive aspects of which you should be proud of!

emotional abuse

What is emotional abuse by an abusive personality?

5 Comments

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1.5 year after I left my ex-husband who commited adultery. I suffered from depression and being in constant fear/incapable of function as a normal person anymore at that time. My boyfriend take care of me, but my emotion has beeing going up & down. I’m extremely suspicious & worried about things. I’ve been contributing to most of the expenses, monetary issue has add on to the tension, although he has been working hard trying his best to get income. Until a few occassions, he couldn’t take my unreasonable suspicious anymore (when girls talk/sms him), he just burst, broke things and wanted to hit me. I’m still feeling very fearful for one that happened juz 2 days ago esp I witness violent in my childhood. Is my behaviour an emotional abuse to him? It has been a few times this happened and once he wanted to hit my mum too, I’m worried something serious will happen one day. What should I do, leave him? Other time, he is very caring & responsible. How should I react?

There are so many issues and questions going on here that it is hard to know were to begin. First, I have to say what your boyfriend is doing is the emotional abuse. He has not actually hit you, but has made a real threat. This can actually increase your thoughts of mistrusting him in other areas.

He may not like the suspicions, but I do not think that there is anyway that this can be seen as emotional abuse. If you are not using threat of harm or trying to demean him then it is not emotional abuse. In the case he has an abusive personality, some things can change.

I’m not you so I can’t tell you exactly what is going on with you, or how you should react. If your thoughts of suspicion are nearly constant and interfer with daily life that may be an indication of anxiety or even OCD. Your emotional highs and lows are enought of an indicator to me that you should be seeking professional help.

You could even consider couples therapy for you and your boyfriend. However, my honest thoughts on anyone who even threatens violence is to get rid of them and fast. You never know when the threat will become an actual act.

Take this advice from someone who was married. After months of small fights over things like money and childcare he pulled a sword on me and threatened to kill me. I never gave him another chance to make real on his threat. He did this when I was three months pregnant and our toddler son was watching. You have to think about more than just your when you make these choices.