Tag Archives: healing from emotional abuse

self-esteem

Your Low Self Confidence is a Signal of Emotional Damage

emotional damage

Are you presenting a “nice person” image of yourself
only to avoid all confrontations and
yet somehow still feeling unhappy or left out?

Is emotional damage now hidden in your present life? As a child you always wanted to be accepted, and you learned some tricks that gave results for a while. Creating a strong image of a Nice Person helped you to feel more accepted by your parents, siblings, and friends. This nice person always molded to fit the group, accepting the ruling of others without asking for the chance to include your own needs into their agenda. Doing that, your own needs became ignored by others and second priority to yourself, sometimes having to be suppressed completely.

This may be what others expected from you, providing a sense of ease, but you paid a very high price in emotional damage.  After many years of doing the “nice person act” you find your energy is sapped, that you feel empty, devoid of all motivation and sense of purpose.

It is at this moment that you realize the need to choose between pleasing others and losing yourself, or fulfilling your own needs and claiming what you really are, what you really want … and repair the emotional damage.
But fulfillment of your needs is only possible if you learn how to assert yourself effectively and grow your own identity: Self-assertion that is too strong, or aggressive, will provoke powerful reactions that can be stressing or even damaging to your relationships, and being too passive or having a weak self-esteem will leave you very vulnerable to whatever others need or want, sending you back to the starting point.

HAVING BETTER SELF-ESTEEM:

If you gradually build self-esteem, you will :

  • Feel adequate, no matter the circumstances
  • Accept and celebrate your own merits and accomplishments
  • Always feel security and a sense of direction.
  • Stop emotional abuse and mistreatment from the start
  • Attract the happiness you dream of
  • Be able to confidently negotiate any difficult issue.
  • Communicate your views with ease, even in stressful situations
  • Establish your needs and boundaries

To your happiness!

 

emotional abuse

What emotional abuse gains does the abusive person get?

I just don’t understand how my baby-father can make me feel like crap all the time & call me all these names, It really dint seem to get to me a lot but I just wish I can know why hes so mean to me. I just want to find a way to just fight back & make him regret everything he has done to me.

Perhaps he feel so macho, so powerful…I will raise my baby to hate him and his power.what emotional abuse

emotional abuse

Am I abusive?

1 Comment

 

Need to know if this is true: am I emotionally abusive? I’m in a terrible situation, being accused of being a female abuser!

I have had trouble with my 2 year relationship and have recently discovered I am an emotional abuser. They said to me that I am emotionally abusive…. To my memory I have never been abused in any way. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because I thought I “didn’t feel the same” as I had. Is it possible that the recent diagnosis could be causing me to think this way? I am so confused. Am I emotionally abusive? And, besides is female abusedifferent?

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse

Learn How to Stop All Abuse Now

Here’s a statistic that will grab your attention: According to the FBI, 1 in 4 girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 18. Sexual abuse is a prevalent and ever-occurring social issue, and absolutely necessary to focus on. Here’s another one: According to Women’s College Hospital, in a study of 1,000 women 15 years of age or older, 36% experienced emotional abuse while growing up; 43% had experienced some form of abuse as children or adolescents; 39% reported experiencing emotional abuse in a relationship in the past five years. If sexual and emotional abuse are so prevalent among women of all ages, what can be done to stop it, and to heal it?

The truth is that however strong a victim may look on the outside, abuse leaves deep emotional scars that the victims themselves are unaware of. Those scars can affect anything from how one interacts with others to how one dresses to what one eats to how far one aims to go in life.

Here are some things you can do if you are being emotionally or sexually abused, or if you have been in the past:

  • Recognize the long lasting effects; don’t ignore them;

  • Educate yourself about the consequences of past abuse on your general health;

  • Learn how to recognize the signs and symptoms of abuse (sometimes what “abuse” is can be hard to recognize)

  • Be patient with yourself; give yourself time to process emotional outbursts and icky situations (instead of pushing them away and blocking off your mind) so that they don’t create toxic energy in your mind.

You can also order your copy of “Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” in order to learn more tips and techniques that will help you grow your self-esteem, take hold of and accept your past, and even confront your abuser. You don’t have to live with abuse for a single day; nor do you have to suffer alone under the memory of it.

If you would prefer to have a private, one-on-one phone session with a conflict coach well-versed in handling emotional abuse, you can visit Conflict Coach to learn more about a free coaching session.

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her coaching site to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Visit Conflict Coach today.
abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, verbal abuse

How to stop emotional abuse in marriage

Too many times in life, there is a friction between us and others, and a deep sense of frustration when our basic emotional needs are not being met.

However, sometimes we deal with a person who surprises us: when we are able to talk with them, express needs, and negotiate positive solutions, we are shocked and think to ourselves, “Why hasn’t this person told me this before? It would have been so easy to satisfy their request, if only I had known it!”

How does that exchange of needs and satisfaction begin? With assertion! Assertion is the art of saying what you need, believe, and deserve in a way that other people can hear you clearly.

This ability is essential for if you want to stop emotional abuse in marriage, and improve an abusive marriage. Unhealthy alternatives to assertion are:

1.    Submission – letting other people’s needs come always before yours, whether just or unjust. This happens if you accept disrespectful treatment from a loved one for some time, and breeds deep resentment;

2.    Aggression – forcing your needs on another person without their agreement.

Both are lose-lose options, meaning that both sides, even the “winning” one will get less from the relationship. These options build anger, hurt and resentment instead of respect and love.

The proper way to assert your needs and desires is this:

1.    Create a clear idea of exactly what behavior is irritating you, and why. If he/she is not speaking to you in front of your friends, that is clearly a hostile behavior that needs addressing. What is the behavior that you want, instead of this? Acceptance, care, attention? Be clear on what you want.

2.    You need to define the behavioral change that you need from this person or to set limits with someone whose behavior is unacceptable or hurtful to you.

3.    Don’t back down on your personal rights as a dignified person; stand firm in your belief that your rights, needs, and dignity are just as valid and important as anyone else’s, regardless of age, power, role, or gender.

How does assertion work?

1.    Begin describing the negative behavior in clear words:

“When you make jokes about my cooking in front of my friends, as you did last night at Alice’s party…”

2.    State the impact on you:

“I feel put down and unappreciated.”

3.    Declare that you want a change and to agree to making the change:

“Remember that we are each other’s support system and we don’t criticize the other in public.”

If you want to stop emotional abuse in marriage in a healthy way, remember that your purpose is not to blame, but to deliver information about the impact of the behavior. Messages centered on the “I” pro noun, delivered calmly and with steady, non-apologetic eye contact have a better chance of being received as information, and not criticism.

The victim of emotional abuse needs to provide the offending person with a steady feedback on the impact of their behavior for two reasons. It is information necessary to change, and to building up self-esteem. Assertion greatly assists an emotionally abused woman, because it gives her the opportunity to express and defend her own needs in an unequivocal way. In this way, you deal with an emotional abuse marriage.

Nora Femenia, Ph.D is passionate about supporting women’s recovery from emotional abuse once and for all. Nora has created a powerful set of tools for helping women break out of the mind-set that keeps them in a toxic relationship by first discovering unconscious beliefs and family blueprints.

To know more about her latest book “Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” please visit http://www.healingemotionalabuse.com