I’ve been victim of emotional abuse. I understood it, read about it and now I’m in my way to freeing myself from the damage received. But, the abuser is my mother and, besides that, I have a sister and I don’t want her to be the next victim. How can I help my mother, so that she can heal from what is moving her to emotionally abuse others? Emotional abuse help is not easy to get by…
Tag Archives: abusive
When He Uses Your Faults Against You
You have probably already heard from an associate, friend, or resource that emotional abuse is about control. However, there are more factors at play than mere control, and realizing this is essential to healing emotional abuse and preserving your sense of self-worth.
When your partner attacks you, you may find that he will stoop to batter you with things you have shared with him in the past – doubts about yourself, vulnerabilities, and shortcomings. Though these intimate things may be true of you or your personality, perceived or real faults are a trait of every human being, and have no valid presence in fights. Be mindful that in emotional abuse, they are simply used as poisoned darts; items he throws mindlessly because they are in reach.
Why, then, does he throw these smoke bombs out to cloud the issues?
Consider the way you feel after a fight. Did he destroy your happiness for something you were feeling good about before? More often than not, we find that an abuser will target the things that are best about you so that he doesn’t feel threatened or one-upped. It’s almost like an upside-down compliment – the aspects he tries to make you feel bad about might be your best qualities!
Essentially that means that emotional abuse is actually an attempt to hide the abuser’s own vulnerabilities, the things he feels you could overcome him with.
Battering, whether it is emotional abuse, verbal abuse or physical abuse, exists to create or maintain an unequal distribution of power in the relationship. The important concept to recognize is that when an abuser feels he’s losing his grip (if it seems like you’re taking his power), the violence will escalate. In other words, the gravity of the emotional assault is directly proportional to the attacker’s vulnerability.
Thus, the act of emotional abuse is not merely about control, although that is how it seems to manifest. The real cause, the thing that control expresses, is a deep-set and debilitating sense of vulnerability.
Keep this in mind next time, and pay close attention to what he seems to react to. They may be your most powerful tools for stopping the abuse!
How to Stop Relationship Abuse
- In order to stop relationship abuse, you have to be firm and committed to what changes you want to see. If you waver, you lose the asset of believability, and you lose confidence in yourself.
- Be optimistic. Instead of seeing the relationship as a dead end, you can view yourself and your partner as good people who have simply not learned how to behave in a healthy way. As you are working together to resolve the relationship abuse, progress will be faster if you both have confidence that resolution is possible. If you cannot do it by yourselves, you may need a professional, either alone or with both of you present. Remember that blame is optional – you have the choice to pursue a happy, vibrant relationship without keeping the blame and punishment machine going.
- Don’t be afraid to confront the other scenario: that sometimes, no matter how optimistic you began, your partner’s heart may not be in it. An unwillingness to change, or an escalation to physical violence as well as emotional abuse, is a sign that it is time for you to take your leave. If you feel you are in danger, it is important to go somewhere you will not be followed, and seek professional protection.
- It is important that if you do choose to leave, you have somewhere to go. Build your support system in advance, so that you are not lost and alone, going from one bad situation to the other. And if you don’t have to leave, well, now you have friends to fall back on when you need advice.
- It is also important that, for your emotional sake, you do all you can to severe the relationship on proper terms, so that you don’t leave feeling guilty or blaming yourself for ruining an emotional relationship that could have been saved.
- There is never any shame in leaving and asserting your right to stop an emotionally abusive relationship. Unless you are a child under parental care, you are not bound by law or force to stay. However, it is important that whether you leave or not, your immediate family knows of the situation. This is especially important for children, seniors, or others who own limited self-reliance.
- Although it is hard, you must recognize and own up to your own faults as well. Learn what you may have done (not necessarily what your partner says you did) to contribute to the abuse. For example, if you know that you accept abuse as something normal and expected, address this issue so that you do not come across it in future relationships.
Nora Femenia, Ph.D is passionate about supporting women’s recovery from emotional abuse once and for all. Nora has created a powerful set of tools for helping women break out of the mind-set that keeps them in a toxic relationship by first discovering unconscious beliefs and family blueprints.
To know more about her latest book “Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” go to: http://www.healingemotionalabuse.com
Emotional Abuse: Lies Abusers Tell
A short informative video on emotional abuse. Contains a selection of lies that abusers tell their victims in order to brainwash them to stay in the relationship.
Duration : 0:1:40
Let’s Prevent Emotional Abusement
Stop Emotional Abuse, You Deserve Better. We all know about Sexual Abuse. Abusement. We all know about Physical Abuse. But, we know very little about Emotional Abuse. Emotional Abuse occurs when one person emotionally and psychologically abuses another person who is in need of sincere affection. This kind of abuse takes many forms… When is it abusiveness? When the other person abusively orders, or commands of shouts at the other person, imposing his/her will. Your partner undermines your self-esteem constantly. Emotional abusers deliver mixed messages: “I love you” (I hate you.) It’s like pushing you through a cliff and …
Duration : 0:6:50