Tag Archives: Parents

self-esteem

Your Low Self Confidence is a Signal of Emotional Damage

emotional damage

Are you presenting a “nice person” image of yourself
only to avoid all confrontations and
yet somehow still feeling unhappy or left out?

Is emotional damage now hidden in your present life? As a child you always wanted to be accepted, and you learned some tricks that gave results for a while. Creating a strong image of a Nice Person helped you to feel more accepted by your parents, siblings, and friends. This nice person always molded to fit the group, accepting the ruling of others without asking for the chance to include your own needs into their agenda. Doing that, your own needs became ignored by others and second priority to yourself, sometimes having to be suppressed completely.

This may be what others expected from you, providing a sense of ease, but you paid a very high price in emotional damage.  After many years of doing the “nice person act” you find your energy is sapped, that you feel empty, devoid of all motivation and sense of purpose.

It is at this moment that you realize the need to choose between pleasing others and losing yourself, or fulfilling your own needs and claiming what you really are, what you really want … and repair the emotional damage.
But fulfillment of your needs is only possible if you learn how to assert yourself effectively and grow your own identity: Self-assertion that is too strong, or aggressive, will provoke powerful reactions that can be stressing or even damaging to your relationships, and being too passive or having a weak self-esteem will leave you very vulnerable to whatever others need or want, sending you back to the starting point.

HAVING BETTER SELF-ESTEEM:

If you gradually build self-esteem, you will :

  • Feel adequate, no matter the circumstances
  • Accept and celebrate your own merits and accomplishments
  • Always feel security and a sense of direction.
  • Stop emotional abuse and mistreatment from the start
  • Attract the happiness you dream of
  • Be able to confidently negotiate any difficult issue.
  • Communicate your views with ease, even in stressful situations
  • Establish your needs and boundaries

To your happiness!

 

abusive behavior, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, verbal abuse

Creating a new, more positive self-image day by day

Developing your self-image is a task that you need to do today! Nobody can replace you in this, and its time that you can see the huge difference it makes in your life having a positive self-image compared with the one your overly critical parents gave you…

How you see yourself goes a long way to how you feel about yourself; how do you present yourself to others and how others see you and think of you. If you think positively on the inside then you will glow with confidence on the outside and will come across this way to others. Feeling good about yourself is essential if you are to be happy in life and make the most out of life. It can make the difference of you being successful or failing, and it is in your hands.

People suffer from low self-esteem for many reasons, and if they have been brought up perceiving only negative aspects to themselves, then developing a positive self-image will be difficult, but not impossible. Developing a positive outlook is about changing your thoughts and feelings about yourself and if you have been thinking negative thoughts for a long time changing the habit will take some time.

However by creating a new way of thinking and sticking to this new way of self-perception you will eventually banish unwanted negative feelings and will automatically replace them with positive ones in your day to day life. When this happens your outlook changes and with your outlook, you change. Where once you might have thought something would be beyond your capabilities you will now look at it in a different light and begin to realize that having a strong personality is within your grasp.

There are many ways to develop a more positive self-image and esteem. There are self-help books available dedicated to the subject, audio sessions which you listen and follow, DVDS, hypnotherapy audio or attending counselling sessions. They all however rely basically on the same principle, understanding what confidence really is, gaining confidence in yourself, ridding yourself of negative beliefs and replacing them with positive ones and learning strategies which allow you to remain confident in any situation.

The basics behind developing a more positive outlook and self-image are:

• Thinking about the positive aspects of your self-image and understanding what they mean to you;
• Getting to know yourself better, recognizing your strengths and building on those strengths;
• Moving forward and constantly changing negative thoughts into more positive ones;
• Reflecting on what you have learnt and seeing the positive changes you are making to your life, and feeling pride.

We all talk to ourselves at one time or another and we may find ourselves continually putting ourselves down and are very slow to praise ourselves. We are doing to ourselves the same nasty, discouraging lack of appreciation our parents did to us! This must be changed now. We want to change unhelpful self-talk and replace it with positive and encouraging self-talk.
The easiest way to do this is by:

• Getting rid of irrational thoughts (“I’m always the worst”) and replace them with rational ones
• Replace negative thoughts and feelings with positive images
• Give yourself credit and be proud of your accomplishments
• Repeat positive affirmations to yourself when needed throughout the day

You need to be consistent in replacing negative appreciations with positive ones….In this way, you will balance the weight of past critiques with appreciation and self-esteem, which in turn will make doing great things possible!

mental abuse

What is mental abuse?

3 Comments

mental abuseI was wondering what the ‘definition’ is of mental abuse. What things must occur in order for mental abuse to have taken place? I am looking for specific things, I have a general idea of what mental abuse is, like putting you down and making you feel like dirt. Does mental abuse have anything to do with ‘turning someone against another person’. I am just not sure where that plays in to mental abuse. Like alienating a parent against a child or vice versa, is that mental abuse or just Parental Alienation Syndrome?

What is mental abuse? is it the same as emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse, which is 8% of all substantiated cases of child abuse, is commonly defined as the systematic tearing down of another human being. It is considered a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a child’s positive development. Emotional abuse is probably the least understood of all child abuse, yet it is the most prevalent, and can be the cruelest and most destructive of all types of abuse.

Because emotional abuse attacks the child’s psyche and self-concept, the victim comes to see him or herself as unworthy of love and affection. Children who are constantly shamed, humiliated, terrorized or rejected suffer at least as much, if not more, than if they had been physically assaulted.

An infant who is being severely deprived of basic emotional nurturing, even though physically well cared for, can fail to thrive and can eventually die. Less severe forms of early emotional deprivation may produce babies who grow into anxious and insecure children who are slow to develop or who might have low self-esteem.

Types of Emotional Abuse:

1] Rejecting — Parents who lack the ability to bond will often display rejecting behavior toward a child. They tell a child in a variety of ways that he or she is unwanted. They may also tell the child to leave, call him or her names and tell the child he or she is worthless. They may not talk to or hold the young child as he or she grows. The child may become the family scapegoat, being blamed for all the family’s problems.

2] Ignoring — Adults who have had few of their emotional needs met are often unable to respond to the needs of their children. They may not show attachment to the child or provide nurturance. They may show no interest in the child, express affection or even recognize the child’s presence. Many times the parent is physically there but emotionally unavailable.

3] Terrorizing — Parents may single out one child to criticize and punish. They may ridicule him or her for displaying normal emotions and have expectations far beyond his or her normal abilities. The child may be threatened with death, mutilation or abandonment.

4] Isolating — A parent who abuses a child through isolation may not allow the child to engage in appropriate activities with his or her peers; may keep a baby in his or her room, not exposed to stimulation; or may prevent teenagers from participating in extracurricular activities. Parents may require the child to stay in his or her room from the time school lets out until the next morning, or restrict eating to isolation or seclusion.

5] Corrupting — Parents permit children to use drugs or alcohol; to watch cruel behavior toward animals; to watch pornographic materials and adult sex acts; or to witness or participate in criminal activities such as stealing, assault, prostitution, gambling, etc.

What are the effects of emotional abuse?

Other types of abuse are usually identifiable because marks or other physical evidence is left, however, emotional abuse can be very hard to diagnose or even to define. In some instances, an emotionally abused child will show no signs of abuse. For this reason, emotional abuse is the most difficult form of child maltreatment to identify and stop. This type of abuse leaves hidden scars that manifest themselves in numerous ways. Insecurity, poor self-esteem, destructive behavior, angry acts (such as fire setting or cruelty to animals), withdrawal, poor development of basic skills, alcohol or drug abuse, suicide and difficulty forming relationships can all be possible results of emotional abuse.