Tag Archives: Abusive Person

emotional abuse

What emotional abuse gains does the abusive person get?

I just don’t understand how my baby-father can make me feel like crap all the time & call me all these names, It really dint seem to get to me a lot but I just wish I can know why hes so mean to me. I just want to find a way to just fight back & make him regret everything he has done to me.

Perhaps he feel so macho, so powerful…I will raise my baby to hate him and his power.what emotional abuse

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse

Is Emotional Abuse Wrecking You?

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From a forum about emotional abuse and domestic violence, a posting by Ann called my attention:

“First, I have not answered sooner, because my emotional and physical state have me in a daze. I’m terrified I am having a complete physical and mental collapse. I’m very shaky right now .. I’m scared not of him at this second … but that I I’m losing it altogether right now.

I have symptoms like: anger, rage, depression, shock, crying, depression/wish & wanting out … and then physically: sick to stomach, back aching, wish I could vomit, achy all over, shaky, unable to function … what is happening to me???? I need to STOP this now. I have to feel better. My mind is going in circles about what can I do.

My docs feel all my emotional problems (depression, anxiety, agoraphobia and physical ailments (the list is too long) are due to extreme stress. They say yes, you really suffer from major depression, but he made it much, much worse.

Maybe that is why no medication, of the hundreds I tried works. My stress and depression level can’t even be reached…”

And on and on Ann goes, describing the trap she is in: too sick to leave, no family support, isolated and unable to manage her own life. Have you ever been near this situation?

Living with an emotionally abusive person can make you doubt your own survival skills. Step by step, you begin denying and forgetting your own capacity to make yourself happy and healthy. Giving in to his pressure and negative images about you shapes your mindset, and changes your perspective about who you are, your worth as a person and of course, your life purpose.

Having to choose from being emotionally diminished by him and survival is tough: you feel like you have no options, and at the same time, you can’t leave!

You’re probably asking yourself, “What is left that I can do for myself?” If it becomes difficult to come up with an answer, you need help.

Exactly at this moment, you need a support system that can provide you with a vision of what is possible for you in order to survive.

Who is going to give you a strong inspiration to develop your own self-esteem? Who will help you recover a sense of “self-control” to manage your life? Let me help you start. Let’s have a free 30 minute chat. I want to help you get your life back!

You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Please, visit this page to ask for your coaching session.

healing from emotional abuse

How to Stop Relationship Abuse

  • In order to stop relationship abuse, you have to be firm and committed to what changes you want to see. If you waver, you lose the asset of believability, and you lose confidence in yourself.
  • Be optimistic. Instead of seeing the relationship as a dead end, you can view yourself and your partner as good people who have simply not learned how to behave in a healthy way. As you are working together to resolve the relationship abuse, progress will be faster if you both have confidence that resolution is possible. If you cannot do it by yourselves, you may need a professional, either alone or with both of you present. Remember that blame is optional – you have the choice to pursue a happy, vibrant relationship without keeping the blame and punishment machine going.
  • Don’t be afraid to confront the other scenario: that sometimes, no matter how optimistic you began, your partner’s heart may not be in it. An unwillingness to change, or an escalation to physical violence as well as emotional abuse, is a sign that it is time for you to take your leave. If you feel you are in danger, it is important to go somewhere you will not be followed, and seek professional protection.
  • It is important that if you do choose to leave, you have somewhere to go. Build your support system in advance, so that you are not lost and alone, going from one bad situation to the other. And if you don’t have to leave, well, now you have friends to fall back on when you need advice.
  • It is also important that, for your emotional sake, you do all you can to severe the relationship on proper terms, so that you don’t leave feeling guilty or blaming yourself for ruining an emotional  relationship that could have been saved.
  • There is never any shame in leaving and asserting your right to stop an emotionally abusive relationship. Unless you are a child under parental care, you are not bound by law or force to stay. However, it is important that whether you leave or not, your immediate family knows of the situation. This is especially important for children, seniors, or others who own limited self-reliance.
  • Although it is hard, you must recognize and own up to your own faults as well. Learn what you may have done (not necessarily what your partner says you did) to contribute to the abuse. For example, if you know that you accept abuse as something normal and expected, address this issue so that you do not come across it in future relationships.

Nora Femenia, Ph.D is passionate about supporting women’s recovery from emotional abuse once and for all. Nora has created a powerful set of tools for helping women break out of the mind-set that keeps them in a toxic relationship by first discovering unconscious beliefs and family blueprints.

To know more about her latest book “Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” go to: http://www.healingemotionalabuse.com

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, verbal abuse

How to stand up to emotional abuse

Sometimes, the pain originated by emotional abuse is dull, consistent and makes a fog of your brain. You know you are sad and miserable, but can’t pinpoint exactly what would you like to have changed in your spouse’s behavior.

If you wish to consider a bit of assertive behavior, you need get a clear idea of what is irritating you. If he/she is ignoring you in front of your friends, or puts you down in front of your family with sarcastic comments, that is clearly a hostile behavior that needs addressing. What is the behavior that you want, instead of this? Acceptance, care, attention? Be clear on what you want.

Also, be clear and firm on your personal rights as a dignified person; and firmly believe that your rights, needs, and dignity are just as valid and important as anyone else’s, regardless of age, power, role, or gender.

You need to define a change that you need from someone, and/or to set limits with someone who’s behavior is unacceptable or hurtful to you.

b) Begin describing the negative behavior in clear words:
“When you make sarcastic and demeaning jokes about me in front of my family, as you did last night at my mother’s birthday party…”

then state the impact on you: “I feel ignored and rejected.”

then declare that you want a change: “and I need you to (agree to make a specific behavior change: “remember that you are my husband and should not be attacking me in public. If there is something you want improved, talk to me in private.)”

Your purpose is exactly not to blame, but to deliver information about the impact of their behavior to the offending party.

Messages centered on the “I” pro noun, delivered calmly, with steady, non-apologetic eye contact – have a better chance of being received as information, and not criticism.

The continued use of this response is necessary to provide the abusive person with a steady feedback on the impact of their behaviors…..which should extinguish them, if there is a willingness to change.

Are you interested in reading more about assertive behaviors? Here is more emotional abuse information. Also, remember that you have other resources to deal with emotional abuse