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healing from emotional abuse

Healing from Emotional Abuse: How to take Up Courage to Heal and Live to the Fullest

hoto By Pierre Rousseau / Rex Features DEPRESSED TEENAGER
photo By Pierre Rousseau / Rex Features DEPRESSED TEENAGER

Similar to other types of abuse, emotional abuse is something you should not ignore.  Every day thousands of women are reported being physical abused by their husbands.  However, the agony of emotional abuse was and is rarely mentioned. Do you have the courage to heal?

Due to the complexity of emotional abuse, emotional abuse victims will stay much longer in an abusive relationship than the physically abused person. Fortunately, getting over and healing from emotional abuse is relatively possible.  All it takes is courage to heal,  time and perseverance.

 

In an abusive relationship, your abuser will isolate you from your friends and family.  Generally, emotional abusers want only one thing from you: total control.

It is not love that they need but it is the power of domination. Emotional abusers can make you feel useless and unworthy. Though they won’t admit it, they are individuals in fact insecure of themselves.  They want to control you so that you won’t leave them.

 

The abuse usually starts after the marriage.  Prior to that, most abusers are loving, caring, and affectionate individuals.  The torture begins after the abuser isolates you from your friends and family.

A typical abusive relationship consists of the dependent and dominant party. Abusers effectively dominate the lives of their victims by making their victims dependent on them. As a victim, you will not have enough courage to fight back because of fear of his escalating anger, and possible retaliation.

 

In addition, you are barred from joining activities external to the couple.  You also need the permission and approval from your abuser before you are allowed to be doing things independently. As a consequence, healing from emotional abuse may take time and effort. In fact, getting out of it alive is very complicated as you are having low and lower self esteem and confidence.

Most victims cannot leave their abusers due to the constant fear they feel and the feeling of being unlovable. Some won’t leave because they are still hopeful that the relationship can be fixed.  Well in fact, giving false hope is an abuser’s manipulative strategy.

 

Healing from emotional abuse starts first with the sheer realization of your situation.  Realizing that you are a victim of an abuse will put you on your feet and build up courage to defend yourself. You can only build courage to fight back if you see how the relationship is making you deeply unhappy.

You cannot heal simply by staying in an abusive situation which is not addressed and left to run its course.  However if your partner is willing to seek professional help, it will be your decision to stay or not to stay, according to what you see about the possibility of him changing.

 

The mental and emotional effects of abuse typically linger afterwards.You can cope easily if you surround yourself with your friends and family, specifically the people who love you and make you feel worthy and loved.

Another benefit of this, you will be well protected from your abusive husband as most of the times abusers stalk their victims after they abandon the unhealthy spousal situation.

 

Do something that you love and enjoy, every day.  Start living your life the way as you want it.  Pick a hobby that will enrich and educate you.  Build up your confidence and self-esteem by participating in self development programs accessible around you, and keep doing them regardless the demands of your ex-partner about your return.

 

emotional abuse

What is emotional abuse by an abusive personality?

5 Comments

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1.5 year after I left my ex-husband who commited adultery. I suffered from depression and being in constant fear/incapable of function as a normal person anymore at that time. My boyfriend take care of me, but my emotion has beeing going up & down. I’m extremely suspicious & worried about things. I’ve been contributing to most of the expenses, monetary issue has add on to the tension, although he has been working hard trying his best to get income. Until a few occassions, he couldn’t take my unreasonable suspicious anymore (when girls talk/sms him), he just burst, broke things and wanted to hit me. I’m still feeling very fearful for one that happened juz 2 days ago esp I witness violent in my childhood. Is my behaviour an emotional abuse to him? It has been a few times this happened and once he wanted to hit my mum too, I’m worried something serious will happen one day. What should I do, leave him? Other time, he is very caring & responsible. How should I react?

There are so many issues and questions going on here that it is hard to know were to begin. First, I have to say what your boyfriend is doing is the emotional abuse. He has not actually hit you, but has made a real threat. This can actually increase your thoughts of mistrusting him in other areas.

He may not like the suspicions, but I do not think that there is anyway that this can be seen as emotional abuse. If you are not using threat of harm or trying to demean him then it is not emotional abuse. In the case he has an abusive personality, some things can change.

I’m not you so I can’t tell you exactly what is going on with you, or how you should react. If your thoughts of suspicion are nearly constant and interfer with daily life that may be an indication of anxiety or even OCD. Your emotional highs and lows are enought of an indicator to me that you should be seeking professional help.

You could even consider couples therapy for you and your boyfriend. However, my honest thoughts on anyone who even threatens violence is to get rid of them and fast. You never know when the threat will become an actual act.

Take this advice from someone who was married. After months of small fights over things like money and childcare he pulled a sword on me and threatened to kill me. I never gave him another chance to make real on his threat. He did this when I was three months pregnant and our toddler son was watching. You have to think about more than just your when you make these choices.