Category Archives: healing from emotional abuse

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, relationship repair, self-esteem, verbal abuse

Learn How to Heal Emotional Abuse

There is a lot of information available on the Internet about emotional abuse. What it is, how to recognize it, and ways to find help… But despite the accessibility of that information, there is a large gap regarding what measures you can take to transform your situation on your own. That is, how to help yourself to heal from emotional abuse.Imagine that you are too far from a counseling center, or too poor to afford the help, or too scared of what might happen if you were to move out of the house and take steps concerning trusting someone else with your situation. If you are in any of these situations, desperate for help and not seeing an escape, there is still something you can do!You can start a process where you recover your own personal power, and grow out of the abuse – that is, heal yourself and improve to the point that emotional abuse can’t touch you! This healing process requires that you live by a new motto, and take three important steps. What’s the new motto? Here it is:

I AM AN IMPORTANT, UNIQUE HUMAN BEING, AND I

NEVER GAVE AWAY MY RIGHT TO RESPECT AND APPRECIATION!

THIS IS MY BIRTHRIGHT, AND NOBODY CAN TAKE

IT AWAY FROM ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT!

Do you have that in your mind now, ready to whip out and display proudly in the face of abusive people? Then let’s go on to the steps that you need to take in order to heal from emotional abuse.

Step One: “Emotional Abuse is Not About Me”

Even when you are living in the midst of verbal and physical abuse, recognize that verbal, psychological and emotional abuse behaviors are not about you, you are not at fault for them. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO MERIT, PROVOKE OR DESERVE THEM.

Your partner may insult you and use cruel words towards you, but understand that this behavior is a projection of the control fantasies of his sick and insecure mind; his remarks are in no way whatsoever a reflection of the person that you are.

The hurtful emotional manipulations that he plays on you are not truly connected in any way to your merits as a spouse or as a woman. If anything, those behaviors should actually serve as indicators to you that he is engaged in a power struggle where he feels the need to be “in charge” and is therefore trying to control you by diminishing your value as a spouse and as a person. It is almost an upside-down compliment: the aspects he attacks the most must be your best aspects!

There may be times when he will stoop to batter you with things you have shared with him in the past – insecurities, vulnerabilities, and shortcomings. Though these intimate details may be true of you or your personality, every human being has faults, and is unfair to accuse you of them in fights. Be mindful that in emotional abuse situations they are simply used as poisoned darts; items he throws mindlessly because they are within his reach and he knows they have the power to cause you damage.

Step Two: “Emotional Abuse is Control”

It is very important that you never see the assaults for anything other than what they really are: a desperate attempt to hide his own vulnerabilities by gaining power over someone else.

Battering, whether it is emotional abuse, verbal abuse or physical abuse, exists to create or maintain an unequal distribution of power in the relationship. It is, overall, a matter of control. However, this is not a new concept – surely you have already heard from associates or your own research that abuse is about power.

The important notion to learn after gaining this realization is that when an abuser feels that he is losing his grip (if it appears to him that you are usurping or taking on some of his power), the violence (emotional or physical) will escalate. In other words, the gravity of the emotional assault is directly proportional to the attacker’s sense of vulnerability.

Thus, the act of emotional abuse is not purely about control, although that is how it seems to manifest. In reality, the need for control is a way of expressing a deep-set and debilitating sense of vulnerability. Although you may feel like the most vulnerable one during an abuse attack, the reality is, your abuse is the one feeling the most vulnerable, and handling it in an outrageously inappropriate way.

Step Three: “There’s a ‘Me’ In the Assault”

This one sounds weird, but stick with us! Your healing process involves finding the “you” in the abusive assault. Finding the “you” means that wherever the assaults occur, whatever he uses against you, you refuse to be defined by the abuse. You draw on your own strength to determine your validity and self-worth. That means that when he draws to squish you down and say you’re an itty-bit blip that no one cares about, you stand up straight and remember that YOU are still here and that YOU (everything you are, love, think, feel, and can do) is still here and deserve every bit of respect that he’s trying to take away.

This is what gives you the ability to not only survive emotional abuse, but to thrive in the very face of it. Since this one is a little harder to practice, we included some exercises:

You can’t break free from an emotionally abusive relationship if you are barely remembering who you are every day. This may sound easy, as if you just needed to give yourself a pep talk in the mirror every once in awhile. However, pep talks won’t leave a lasting impression if you are not deeply connected to yourself. Imagine that you are a tree – if your roots are not deep enough into the earth, a fierce wind will easily rip you right out. So, do both!

Every day, you need to give yourself a pep talk about your rights (remember the motto up there?). Remember also to say positive words to yourself: “I like my way of doing this task,” “I’m good at connecting with people,” etc. You also need to take time for to say hi to YOU (either through meditation, yoga, exercise, or other mind-body strengthening activities).

Do you want to receive more steps and exercises for learning how to heal from emotional abuse? You can visit us at How to Heal From Emotional Abuse to get your copy of “Healing From Emotional Abuse,” an in-depth guide to getting your life back and saying goodbye to emotional abuse for good.

healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, relationship repair, relationships, self-esteem

Love Yourself This Valentine’s Day!

© Gratitude Planet

This is a special time of the year, where we are reminded of the value of love connections in our lives. Thanks to giving and receiving love, we can feel supported, connected and appreciated. Our whole life depends on having vital connections with other: we are healthier, more prosperous and more successful when surrounded by others who love us. Science provides lots of research that support the proposition that being alone and sad is not a good thing for your health, your pocket or your life.

However, this Valentine’s Day, you may feel that present or past abuse situation is preventing you from having love. Listen: if your loved one is abusing you, your priority is not to wait around for better love from them!

The first step in healing from abuse and saying “I will take no more” is to receive more love… from yourself!

A common tale we hear from abuse victims is “I’m just incapable of loving myself or anyone else.” This is 100% not true! Every person has the capability – some just don’t have enough strength.

That’s because “all you need is love” is an easy thing to say, but loving yourself in the face of humiliation and disrespect can be a hard mountain to climb. Don’t be afraid of the challenge – its worth every drop of sweat!

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment – or unlearning – of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. Love is…our ultimate reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.”
Marianne Williamson

Here are some ways to beginning spreading the self-love:

  • Put on your favorite clothes (or costumes!) for a few hours or all day. There doesn’t have to be any occasion except making yourself feel special!

  • Cook for yourself – household duties can be drilled into women as a “duty.” Release yourself from that oppressive mentality by cooking just for yourself. Go all out and put the finest dishes out!

  • Treat yourself to body care – use essential oils to bathe and massage your feet, or make a calming face mask. Pretend you are treating someone you love – because you are!

    “Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.
    Jim Rohn

  • Make a picture of yourself – Using clipping from magazines, art books, cards or just drawings, create a collage of images and words that describe “you.” Keep in a private place, or just somewhere that you’re comfortable with. Look at it each day and soak in the things that you love about yourself. You’re looking at an image of your inner self!

  • Learn to see beauty in everyday life – seeing beauty in the world will help uplift your worldview and see yourself as a beautiful participant in a beautiful world. Nature is a good place to start – and if you don’t have any flowers to smell, plant your own!

  • Forgive yourself – for past mistakes you feel you made. Perhaps it was as a child, perhaps it was as an adult. Abusive behavior can make us internalize our guilt about things we did a long time ago, and make simple mistakes seem like damning ones. Let go the past! (And ask yourself, too – what have I really done, not just what I’ve been told I’ve done?)

    “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
    Lewis B. Smedes

  • Loving your partner is an optional future activity. Perhaps either a) your partner is your abuser, which makes loving them hard, or b) your partner is new, and you are recovering from abuse, which makes strong love a priority. We’ve posted a case study for those wanting to learn about building love in relationships: How to Start Fresh This Valentine’s Day.

Remember that as you learn to love yourself, you will begin to realize all the resources you have available to you in your friends, family and community. You will begin to trust in the future of your self and of your relationships. Most importantly, your abuser loses the ability to hurt you emotionally – they can no longer convince you that you are worthless, and your self-fulfilling prophecy can end!

healing from emotional abuse

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship is our Focus!

 

National Relationships Repair Month is Waiting For You, to help heal Emotionally Abusive Relationships!

Have you been wishing this holiday season to have a magic opening into a real where there is more love and connection for you?

We are now offering the National Relationships Repair Month project, where we want to share with our readers some keys to improve love and respect and appreciation in their intimate relationships..

So, you too are invited! .Come join us!

Please, log here to register: National Relationship Repair Month

and join us for a better life.

 

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, the silent treatment, verbal abuse

Are You Being Abused?

Courtesy of the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Am I Being Abused?

This question may have crossed your mind a time or two. Try this Abuse Screening List. Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, abuse doesn’t have to be physical! When one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it’s abuse! One or two checks doesn’t necessarily indicate abuse, but might give you pause to think about working on the relationship.

Does (or has) your partner…
_____ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
_____ Slowly isolated you from your family and friends?
_____ Put down your accomplishments or goals?
_____ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
_____ Threaten to hurt your children if you do not do what they say?
_____ Threaten your pet if you don’t comply with their wants or desires?
_____ Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
_____ Tell you that you are nothing without them?
_____ Treat you roughly – grab, push pinch, shove or hit you?
_____ Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
_____ Made you totally dependent on them economically?
_____ Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
_____ Blame you for how they feel or act?
_____ Refusing to give you or your children medical and dental care?
_____ Force you to have an abortion?
_____ Preventing you from going to church and participating in church activities?
_____ Restrict you’re your access to the children?
_____ Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
_____ Make you feel like there “is no way out” of the relationship?
_____ Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with your friends or family?
_____ Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?
_____ Make you take drugs or alcohol?
_____ If you need assistive devices such as a cane or wheelchair, are they taken out of reach?

For those in Domestic Discipline Relationships:
____ Are standards set so high you usually fall short of them?
_____ Are you punished in anger?
_____ Are punishments too severe for the offense?
_____ Are your mistakes not expained to you?
_____ Are you treated a child?
_____ Is affection withdrawn as punishment?

And for those that are in to the B & D and S & M of BDSM:
_____ Are hard limits ignored?
_____ Is safety ignored?
_____ Is there no effort made to resolve conflict after a problematic session?
_____ Is there no aftercare given?
_____ Are you just used as a `object’ on which your partner takes out their anger?
_____ Has your partner tried to force you into sexual situations with others?
_____ Are your needs as a submissive/slave ignored?
_____ Has your partner ever used scenes to express or cover up anger and frustration?

The following are Indications of MAJOR Abuse. Counseling is recommended for anyone that can answer YES to any of the following questions.

Do you…
_____ Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
_____ Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
_____ Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
_____ Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
_____ Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
_____ Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
_____ Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
_____ Doubt your own judgment even in small decisions?
_____ Always doubt your memory of the way things happened because of what he says?
_____ Feel increasingly trapped and powerless?
_____ Have you thought of suicide?
_____ Have you thought of murdering your partner as a way out?

Note: This list is not comprehensive. Your particular situation may be somewhat different. If you still feel you are being abused, seek professional counseling. Nothing in this checklist should be considered a substitute for counseling.

If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, get help now!
You can take the first step by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) (TDD 1-800-787-3224) or go tohttp://www.ndvh.org.

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse

Learn How to Stop All Abuse Now

Here’s a statistic that will grab your attention: According to the FBI, 1 in 4 girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 18. Sexual abuse is a prevalent and ever-occurring social issue, and absolutely necessary to focus on. Here’s another one: According to Women’s College Hospital, in a study of 1,000 women 15 years of age or older, 36% experienced emotional abuse while growing up; 43% had experienced some form of abuse as children or adolescents; 39% reported experiencing emotional abuse in a relationship in the past five years. If sexual and emotional abuse are so prevalent among women of all ages, what can be done to stop it, and to heal it?

The truth is that however strong a victim may look on the outside, abuse leaves deep emotional scars that the victims themselves are unaware of. Those scars can affect anything from how one interacts with others to how one dresses to what one eats to how far one aims to go in life.

Here are some things you can do if you are being emotionally or sexually abused, or if you have been in the past:

  • Recognize the long lasting effects; don’t ignore them;

  • Educate yourself about the consequences of past abuse on your general health;

  • Learn how to recognize the signs and symptoms of abuse (sometimes what “abuse” is can be hard to recognize)

  • Be patient with yourself; give yourself time to process emotional outbursts and icky situations (instead of pushing them away and blocking off your mind) so that they don’t create toxic energy in your mind.

You can also order your copy of “Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” in order to learn more tips and techniques that will help you grow your self-esteem, take hold of and accept your past, and even confront your abuser. You don’t have to live with abuse for a single day; nor do you have to suffer alone under the memory of it.

If you would prefer to have a private, one-on-one phone session with a conflict coach well-versed in handling emotional abuse, you can visit Conflict Coach to learn more about a free coaching session.

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her coaching site to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Visit Conflict Coach today.