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abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse

How to Recover from Verbal Abuse

Once you realize that you have been living under a lot of verbal abuse, and there is this strong feeling that you will not tolerate it any longer, you need to come up with a plan. In order to reform and change your relationship, and in doing so recover from verbal abuse, you need to cover some basic areas:

1.    Realize that you cannot change your partner, only your reaction to him or her. You have probably been showing your partner how damaging these behaviors are and how they are affecting your self-image in the hope that he will change, but getting nowhere.

2.       Accept that ultimately you cannot force him. Your partner must recognize it and decide to end the behavior on his or her own, or suffer the consequences.

3.       Recognize the abuser’s own insecurity. Abuse most often exists because the abuser is emotionally weak, and feels that by controlling others, he is secure.

4.       Establish that all aspects of the relationship are going to be treated with respect. Strictly ban name calling, character judgements, raised voices, etc. Make it clear that if either partner violates these rules, the two of you will separate until you can agree to follow the guidelines again.

5.       Accept that mutual respect may never be gained. The important thing is to stay committed to a healthy, nurturing relationship – even if it means you must look for one elsewhere. Without that commitment, it is impossible to recover from verbal abuse.

6.       Express yourself. In many cases it is found that both partners hide important emotions, sometimes without realizing it. This is a problem because establishing boundaries requires acknowledging that a situation makes you angry and hurt. When you hide the anger and other emotions, all that is left is fear, and that only perpetuates the abuse.

7.       Whether you want to heal the relationship, or simply learn what went wrong, look at the dynamics of your relationship. Why are you together? Is it merely physical attraction, or can you learn from each other intellectually and emotionally as well? Delving into the past is important as well – sometimes, you may help each other unlock old hurts or unlearn aggressive behavior by determining where they came from. Even if you need to end it later, you will leave with a better understanding of yourself and your partner’s relationship.

8.       Use your instincts. We assume that our partner is our protector and is charge of our safety, and this is not always true. Only you can decide which decisions and actions are right for you, which will make you happy and which will drain you.

9.       Seek professional help. If you have trouble approaching your partner on your own, a third party may be able to help facilitate your approach. It is important that the support system uses a no-blame approach, so that your recovery from emotional abuse occurs in a healthy enviornment.

10.   Say goodbye with grace. Sometimes the abuse esclates to a point of no return, and if that is the case, there is no shame in getting yourself out. If you fail to pay attention and recognize that poor treatment is unacceptable, you thwart our chance for happiness.

Nora Femenia, Ph.D is passionate about supporting women’s recovery from emotional abuse once and for all. Nora has created a powerful set of tools for helping women break out of the mind-set that keeps them in a toxic relationship by first discovering unconscious beliefs and family blueprints.

To know more about her latest book “Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” go to: http://www.healingemotionalabuse.com

healing from emotional abuse

Healing from Emotional Abuse: How to take Up Courage to Heal and Live to the Fullest

hoto By Pierre Rousseau / Rex Features DEPRESSED TEENAGER
photo By Pierre Rousseau / Rex Features DEPRESSED TEENAGER

Similar to other types of abuse, emotional abuse is something you should not ignore.  Every day thousands of women are reported being physical abused by their husbands.  However, the agony of emotional abuse was and is rarely mentioned. Do you have the courage to heal?

Due to the complexity of emotional abuse, emotional abuse victims will stay much longer in an abusive relationship than the physically abused person. Fortunately, getting over and healing from emotional abuse is relatively possible.  All it takes is courage to heal,  time and perseverance.

 

In an abusive relationship, your abuser will isolate you from your friends and family.  Generally, emotional abusers want only one thing from you: total control.

It is not love that they need but it is the power of domination. Emotional abusers can make you feel useless and unworthy. Though they won’t admit it, they are individuals in fact insecure of themselves.  They want to control you so that you won’t leave them.

 

The abuse usually starts after the marriage.  Prior to that, most abusers are loving, caring, and affectionate individuals.  The torture begins after the abuser isolates you from your friends and family.

A typical abusive relationship consists of the dependent and dominant party. Abusers effectively dominate the lives of their victims by making their victims dependent on them. As a victim, you will not have enough courage to fight back because of fear of his escalating anger, and possible retaliation.

 

In addition, you are barred from joining activities external to the couple.  You also need the permission and approval from your abuser before you are allowed to be doing things independently. As a consequence, healing from emotional abuse may take time and effort. In fact, getting out of it alive is very complicated as you are having low and lower self esteem and confidence.

Most victims cannot leave their abusers due to the constant fear they feel and the feeling of being unlovable. Some won’t leave because they are still hopeful that the relationship can be fixed.  Well in fact, giving false hope is an abuser’s manipulative strategy.

 

Healing from emotional abuse starts first with the sheer realization of your situation.  Realizing that you are a victim of an abuse will put you on your feet and build up courage to defend yourself. You can only build courage to fight back if you see how the relationship is making you deeply unhappy.

You cannot heal simply by staying in an abusive situation which is not addressed and left to run its course.  However if your partner is willing to seek professional help, it will be your decision to stay or not to stay, according to what you see about the possibility of him changing.

 

The mental and emotional effects of abuse typically linger afterwards.You can cope easily if you surround yourself with your friends and family, specifically the people who love you and make you feel worthy and loved.

Another benefit of this, you will be well protected from your abusive husband as most of the times abusers stalk their victims after they abandon the unhealthy spousal situation.

 

Do something that you love and enjoy, every day.  Start living your life the way as you want it.  Pick a hobby that will enrich and educate you.  Build up your confidence and self-esteem by participating in self development programs accessible around you, and keep doing them regardless the demands of your ex-partner about your return.