Tag Archives: Mindset

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse

Is Emotional Abuse Wrecking You?

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From a forum about emotional abuse and domestic violence, a posting by Ann called my attention:

“First, I have not answered sooner, because my emotional and physical state have me in a daze. I’m terrified I am having a complete physical and mental collapse. I’m very shaky right now .. I’m scared not of him at this second … but that I I’m losing it altogether right now.

I have symptoms like: anger, rage, depression, shock, crying, depression/wish & wanting out … and then physically: sick to stomach, back aching, wish I could vomit, achy all over, shaky, unable to function … what is happening to me???? I need to STOP this now. I have to feel better. My mind is going in circles about what can I do.

My docs feel all my emotional problems (depression, anxiety, agoraphobia and physical ailments (the list is too long) are due to extreme stress. They say yes, you really suffer from major depression, but he made it much, much worse.

Maybe that is why no medication, of the hundreds I tried works. My stress and depression level can’t even be reached…”

And on and on Ann goes, describing the trap she is in: too sick to leave, no family support, isolated and unable to manage her own life. Have you ever been near this situation?

Living with an emotionally abusive person can make you doubt your own survival skills. Step by step, you begin denying and forgetting your own capacity to make yourself happy and healthy. Giving in to his pressure and negative images about you shapes your mindset, and changes your perspective about who you are, your worth as a person and of course, your life purpose.

Having to choose from being emotionally diminished by him and survival is tough: you feel like you have no options, and at the same time, you can’t leave!

You’re probably asking yourself, “What is left that I can do for myself?” If it becomes difficult to come up with an answer, you need help.

Exactly at this moment, you need a support system that can provide you with a vision of what is possible for you in order to survive.

Who is going to give you a strong inspiration to develop your own self-esteem? Who will help you recover a sense of “self-control” to manage your life? Let me help you start. Let’s have a free 30 minute chat. I want to help you get your life back!

You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Please, visit this page to ask for your coaching session.

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse

How to Recover from Emotional Abuse

Although there is no universally accepted definition of emotional abuse, it is largely based on the need to use power and control over the life partner or relative.

  • Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it is repeated and sustained. Left unchecked, abuse only gets worse over time.
  • Emotional abuse is a serious problem that continues to linger and effect much longer than desirable.
  • Continued emotional abuse can cause many victims to develop chronic anger and mistrust issues, which sometimes detach from the abuse and appear as different symptoms.
  • Like other forms of violence in relationships, the ones who are most often emotionally abused are also the ones who hold the least power in society, for example, women and children;
  • Emotional abuse can severely damage a person’s sense of self-worth and perception;
  • Emotional abuse can also affect a child’s social development and may result in an impaired ability to perceive, feel, understand and express emotions. In the future, this stunted development of the capacity to feel empathy could make of the former victim a new abuser of others, perpetuating the circle.

Usually, the victim thinks that to recover from emotional abuse, they have to make the abuser understand his/her point of view, believing that a misunderstanding is at the root of the problem. But there are deeper reasons for the emotional abuse, as well as elements intrinsic of the mindset of the abuser and pertaining to his model of a relationship.

The victim especially needs to understand that the abuser will only change if he/she decides to do so, and not just because the victim needs him/her to change.

To truly recover from emotional abuse, we must choose to stand for our rights and demand to be treated with the respect we deserve. Otherwise, we choose to accept an unhealthy relationship and agree to pay the price. One price is an imaginary sense of support from the abuser that is never reliable.

Often, it is not possible to find a solution because an abuser is not cooperating. Thus, it’s important to stop participating in an emotionally abusive relationship. This means letting go of the victim’s role and starting to work on personal issues and self esteem, in order to strengthen our interactions and relations with others. Without this, recovery from emotional abuse cannot start.

Some elements of this transformation are to:

  • Become aware. Acceptance of the situation is the very first step.
  • Avoid self-deception: give up the hope that he will change.
  • Learn as much as you can about emotional abuse.
  • Learn how to use assertive techniques when confronting.
  • Use community resources as help in planning a better future.
  • Seek help and share your case with others who can provide different solutions. Seek professional case whenever needed.

Ultimately, these will facilitate recovery from emotional abuse, while promoting your self-esteem and happiness.

Nora Femenia, Ph.D is passionate about supporting women’s recovery from emotional abuse once and for all. Nora has created a powerful set of tools for helping women break out of the mind-set that keeps them in a toxic relationship by first discovering unconscious beliefs and family blueprints. To know more about her latest book “Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” please visit http://www.healingemotionalabuse.com