Category Archives: emotional abuse

emotional abuse

Am I abusive?

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Need to know if this is true: am I emotionally abusive? I’m in a terrible situation, being accused of being a female abuser!

I have had trouble with my 2 year relationship and have recently discovered I am an emotional abuser. They said to me that I am emotionally abusive…. To my memory I have never been abused in any way. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because I thought I “didn’t feel the same” as I had. Is it possible that the recent diagnosis could be causing me to think this way? I am so confused. Am I emotionally abusive? And, besides is female abusedifferent?

emotional abuse

How can I get abuse help?

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I’ve been victim of emotional abuse. I understood it, read about it and now I’m in my way to freeing myself from the damage received. But, the abuser is my mother and, besides that, I have a sister and I don’t want her to be the next victim. How can I help my mother, so that she can heal from what is moving her to emotionally abuse others? Emotional abuse help is not easy to get by…

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, the silent treatment, verbal abuse

Are You Being Abused?

Courtesy of the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Am I Being Abused?

This question may have crossed your mind a time or two. Try this Abuse Screening List. Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, abuse doesn’t have to be physical! When one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it’s abuse! One or two checks doesn’t necessarily indicate abuse, but might give you pause to think about working on the relationship.

Does (or has) your partner…
_____ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
_____ Slowly isolated you from your family and friends?
_____ Put down your accomplishments or goals?
_____ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
_____ Threaten to hurt your children if you do not do what they say?
_____ Threaten your pet if you don’t comply with their wants or desires?
_____ Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
_____ Tell you that you are nothing without them?
_____ Treat you roughly – grab, push pinch, shove or hit you?
_____ Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
_____ Made you totally dependent on them economically?
_____ Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
_____ Blame you for how they feel or act?
_____ Refusing to give you or your children medical and dental care?
_____ Force you to have an abortion?
_____ Preventing you from going to church and participating in church activities?
_____ Restrict you’re your access to the children?
_____ Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
_____ Make you feel like there “is no way out” of the relationship?
_____ Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with your friends or family?
_____ Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?
_____ Make you take drugs or alcohol?
_____ If you need assistive devices such as a cane or wheelchair, are they taken out of reach?

For those in Domestic Discipline Relationships:
____ Are standards set so high you usually fall short of them?
_____ Are you punished in anger?
_____ Are punishments too severe for the offense?
_____ Are your mistakes not expained to you?
_____ Are you treated a child?
_____ Is affection withdrawn as punishment?

And for those that are in to the B & D and S & M of BDSM:
_____ Are hard limits ignored?
_____ Is safety ignored?
_____ Is there no effort made to resolve conflict after a problematic session?
_____ Is there no aftercare given?
_____ Are you just used as a `object’ on which your partner takes out their anger?
_____ Has your partner tried to force you into sexual situations with others?
_____ Are your needs as a submissive/slave ignored?
_____ Has your partner ever used scenes to express or cover up anger and frustration?

The following are Indications of MAJOR Abuse. Counseling is recommended for anyone that can answer YES to any of the following questions.

Do you…
_____ Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
_____ Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
_____ Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
_____ Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
_____ Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
_____ Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
_____ Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
_____ Doubt your own judgment even in small decisions?
_____ Always doubt your memory of the way things happened because of what he says?
_____ Feel increasingly trapped and powerless?
_____ Have you thought of suicide?
_____ Have you thought of murdering your partner as a way out?

Note: This list is not comprehensive. Your particular situation may be somewhat different. If you still feel you are being abused, seek professional counseling. Nothing in this checklist should be considered a substitute for counseling.

If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, get help now!
You can take the first step by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) (TDD 1-800-787-3224) or go tohttp://www.ndvh.org.

abusive behavior, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, healing from emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse

Learn How to Stop All Abuse Now

Here’s a statistic that will grab your attention: According to the FBI, 1 in 4 girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 18. Sexual abuse is a prevalent and ever-occurring social issue, and absolutely necessary to focus on. Here’s another one: According to Women’s College Hospital, in a study of 1,000 women 15 years of age or older, 36% experienced emotional abuse while growing up; 43% had experienced some form of abuse as children or adolescents; 39% reported experiencing emotional abuse in a relationship in the past five years. If sexual and emotional abuse are so prevalent among women of all ages, what can be done to stop it, and to heal it?

The truth is that however strong a victim may look on the outside, abuse leaves deep emotional scars that the victims themselves are unaware of. Those scars can affect anything from how one interacts with others to how one dresses to what one eats to how far one aims to go in life.

Here are some things you can do if you are being emotionally or sexually abused, or if you have been in the past:

  • Recognize the long lasting effects; don’t ignore them;

  • Educate yourself about the consequences of past abuse on your general health;

  • Learn how to recognize the signs and symptoms of abuse (sometimes what “abuse” is can be hard to recognize)

  • Be patient with yourself; give yourself time to process emotional outbursts and icky situations (instead of pushing them away and blocking off your mind) so that they don’t create toxic energy in your mind.

You can also order your copy of “Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” in order to learn more tips and techniques that will help you grow your self-esteem, take hold of and accept your past, and even confront your abuser. You don’t have to live with abuse for a single day; nor do you have to suffer alone under the memory of it.

If you would prefer to have a private, one-on-one phone session with a conflict coach well-versed in handling emotional abuse, you can visit Conflict Coach to learn more about a free coaching session.

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her coaching site to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Visit Conflict Coach today.